Kat (pixienerd1) wrote in kurtty,

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Kurtty & Romy Fanfiction Excerpts

So I found this Writer's Block Meme awhile back and started filling it out. I haven't completed all the questions yet but I thought I'd share what I've written so far (which is a lot). ^_^

What genre do you normally write? (Give me an example.)
Romance and all its subgenres. <3

Surely, if the love of her life was out there somewhere, she would recognize him when she saw him…
“Oh, who am I, like, kidding?” Kitty mused bitterly. “I probably wouldn’t know what true love was even if it, like, hit me!”
Later, she would look back on that statement and wish she had phrased it differently, if only to spare herself the pain and humiliation of what happened next.
For the words had barely passed her lips when a blast of purple, sulfuric smoke exploded in her face, accompanied by a resonating bamf! She had just enough time to let out an embarrassingly high-pitched yelp before colliding face first with a surprised blue elf and tumbling to the floor.
As she lay on the foyer floor, relearning how to breathe, Kitty became acutely aware of the pounding ache in her head that, strangely enough, shared the same beat as an old Queen song she knew. It felt like someone was hitting the inside of her skull with a sledgehammer.
The ceiling, meanwhile, refused to stay still, and was speckled with a million too-bright lights. For a moment, Kitty wondered how it was possible that she could see stars when she was fairly certain she was inside. Had the professor installed skylights when she wasn’t looking? She couldn’t remember but it didn’t seem likely.
Before she could properly ponder the origins of these mysterious stars, or how she ended up on the floor in the first place, a familiar looking shadow entered her line of sight.
“Mein Gott, Katzchen, I am so sorry! I didn’t think anyone would be there!”
Kitty blinked stupidly at the blurry blue figure peering down at her. It took her a lot longer than it should have to recognize who it was. “… Kurt?”
“Ja, the one and only,” he joked weakly, his voice strained. He crouched down next to her. “Are you okay?”
With another few blinks, Kitty’s world slowly started coming back into focus and she was able to see her worried friend with more clarity. Ridiculously, her first thought was that he looked really good in pajamas. The thoughts that followed weren’t much better, so she pushed them into the back of her mind and tried to answer his question. “That depends on, like, your definition of ‘okay,’” she muttered, trying and failing to sit up. “Ow.”
“Here! Let me help you!”
Before she could tell him no thank you, she would much rather stay lying down until the room stopped spinning sometime next month, two oddly formed hands gripped her waist and she was suddenly in a sitting position, looking directly into a pair of luminous golden eyes not four inches from her face. Dazed, she could only stare bug eyed as Kurt examined her pupils.
“I think you might have a concussion,” he said anxiously, lifting a hand to eye level. “How many fingers am I holding up?”
“Umm…” Kitty squinted, trying to make out the blurring shapes. “Four?”
By his dismayed expression, she knew she was way off. “Katzchen, I don’t even have four fingers!”
“… Oh.”

Now write something from the exact opposite genre.
Hmm… how about some action and suspense? :)

Rogue threw herself into the melee, pushing her way through with sheer physical force, no longer caring if she absorbed anyone. Kurt was right beside her, cursing in German as he worked his way through the crowd, shoving people out of his way when he had to. When they reached the small clearing at the center of the crowd, the siblings spotted their falling friend at the same time.
Shock rooted Rogue to the spot but it didn’t stop Kurt. The agile boy launched himself toward Kitty’s falling form, sliding across the floor on his knees so that he was able to catch her before her head cracked against the linoleum. He moved so fast that had it not been for the lack of sulfuric smoke, Rogue would have sworn he had teleported.
Cheers erupted from the horde of students surrounding them, Kurt’s heroics providing them with the mindless entertainment they craved. Some began to chant, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” and within moments, the mantra had grown loud enough to drown out the few sane kids calling for a teacher, for help.
The cheering encouraged one of Kitty’s bullies to step forward; a dark clothed, blond haired boy who looked like he was just itching for a fight. He moved with intent, intense blue eyes locked on Kurt’s kneeling form as his fists clenched and unclenched to the rhythmic chanting of his schoolmates.
Rogue wasn’t sure if Kurt noticed the boy heading toward him at first, so focused did he seem on Kitty and her injuries, but then, just as she was about to call out a warning, the teleporter’s head snapped up and he let loose a low, menacing growl that made most of the onlookers recoil with identical looks of shock and fear. The sound was far more animalistic than any normal human could make, and it carried the guaranteed promise of violence to anyone stupid enough to provoke him.

Create a Mary Sue/Gary Stue (don’t know what that is? Wikipedia it), insert her/him into your favorite book/movie/anime/tv show/etc. and give me a paragraph an excerpt of the resulting fanfiction.
I doubt there is a single fanfiction writer on the planet who isn’t guilty of creating a Mary-Sue at one time or another. =P Here's one of my less offensive ones...

“Papa, you’re home!”
Kitty looked up sharply, shocked to see a young girl – no more than three or four years of age – smiling at Kurt from the kitchen doorway. She had an incredibly beautiful smile – impossibly white, wide, and infectious – but it wasn't her smile that made Kitty’s breath lock in her lungs, nor was it the short blue fur that covered her from head to tail or the pointed ears that peaked through her unruly mop of indigo hair.
No, it was her eyes that instantly grabbed her attention. They were blue. Solid, cerulean blue, several shades lighter and brighter than her fur.
Kitty recognized that shade of blue. She saw it every time she looked in the mirror.
"Kira!” Kurt exclaimed, quickly masking his dismay with his own infectious smile. He knelt down on the floor and held his arms out to the girl. “What are you doing still awake, little one? You should have been asleep hours ago.”
The little girl giggled as she ran into her father’s embrace, completely oblivious to the pale, trembling stranger staring at her and the heightened tension in the room. “I wanted to see you before I went to bed!” she said cheerfully.
"Oh? Ist das so?” Kurt tapped the tip of her nose with the spaded end of his tail. “Well you’ve seen me now so it’s off to bed with you.”
"But I’m not sleepy,” Kira protested, a barely suppressed yawn belying her words.
Kurt smiled as he carried her back toward the doorway. “Nice try, Kleine Liebe. Sleepy or no, you’re still going to lie down. It’s already way past your bedtime.”
The child was sighing in defeat when her gaze suddenly met Kitty’s. “Papa?” she asked Kurt, her expression curious, contemplative.
”Ja, mein Schatz?”
“Why is mommy here?”
The innocent question halted Kurt’s step mid-stride and nearly knocked Kitty’s legs out from under her.
The little girl took no notice. “I thought she was in Heaven. Mit den Engeln.”
Although Kitty had been dealt a great many blows during her accidental trip to the future, including learning that she had died at the tender age of twenty-four, nothing could have prepared her for the shock of learning that she was a mother.

Is this my cue to write something random? =P

Logan’s sensitive ears picked up every one of Rogue’s footsteps as the girl stomped out of Xavier’s office and down the hall, leaving a heavy scent trail of anger and confusion in her wake. Grudgingly, he admitted to himself that Xavier had been right about not telling the girl the entire truth. If this was how she reacted to learning that Gambit was coming to the Institute, he sure as hell didn’t want to know what her reaction would be if she found out why he was coming.
Xavier must have been thinking along the same lines because the moment Rogue was out of eavesdropping range, his carefully neutral expression faded like a puff of cigar smoke, revealing the very stressed and tired man underneath. “This,” the telepath sighed wearily as he massaged his temples, “is beginning to give me a terrible headache.”
Logan didn’t feel so much as a twinge of sympathy for his employer and friend. As far as he was concerned, Xavier deserved every bit of the psychic migraine he was suffering from, and then some. “Maybe you’ve got a brain tumor, Chuck,” he suggested flippantly from where he stood by the bookcases, too incensed to hold his tongue any longer. “That’d explain all the dumbass decisions you’ve been makin’ lately.”

Write short scenes in nothing but dialogue.
Ooh, I do this all the time. ^_^ Here is a bunch of “dialogue only” scenes from my two Kitty/Darkholme fanfics:

"Stop doing that."
"Stop doing what?"
"Staring at me, searching for Wagner. He's not here."
"I wasn't--"
"Ja, you were."
"You know, I've met a lot of jerks in my day, but you are truly the rudest, most insensitive--"
"I know."
"Well, thank God for that! Recognizing that you have a problem is the first step to recovery!"
"I've decided to start a new support group. Bastards Anonymous. You're going to be the first member."
"Was? I'm not--"
"I'm not sure if I'll be able to get anyone else to join, but I figure you're bastard enough to keep the whole thing running for awhile."
"Ah, ah. Don't even try using that scary routine with me, Kurt Darkholme. I am completely immune. Have been since I was fourteen."
"Then what aren't you immune to?"
"Kindness. Now if you'll both excuse me, I have a class to teach."
"Mein Gott, is she always like that?"
"Better she's like that than burstin' into tears every time she sees ya."
"She and Wagner were really that close?"
"Let me put it this way: the Elf would have died for anyone, but Kitty's the only one he would have killed for."
"Feelin' guilty yet?"
"Nein. She shouldn't have hugged me."
"She ain't the only one who's gonna try to hug ya, Darkholme. Kurt had a lot of friends here."
"Are you saying I should get used to it?"
"Used to it? Nah. Just be prepared enough so you don't accidentally maim someone for sayin' hi."
"If they're all going to fling themselves at me like she did, I make no promises."
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme, Kitty Pryde, and Logan (Change of Engagement)

"I don't see why I need an ulterior motive to hang out with you. Isn't it possible that I enjoy your company?"
"Well, that depends. Are you a masochist?"
"A sadist?"
"Do you have a fur fetish?"
"Err... I don't think so."
"Then you can't possibly enjoy my company."
"Wow. With standards like that, you must have some really interesting friends."
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"I wonder how many languages he speaks."
"As far as I know, he's fluent in German, English, and Sarcasm."
-- Conversation between Paige Gunthrie and Kitty Pryde (CoE)

"I'm not sure which is sharper: his swords or his tongue."
-- Hank McCoy (CoE)

“Alright, fine. We’ll do this the hard way. Kurt Darkholme, I challenge you to a duel!”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. I challenge you to a duel. Right here, right now. You choose the blade, winner chooses the prize.”
“You’re joking.”
“Does it look like I’m joking?”
“I suppose this is your way of getting me to teach your verdammt fencing team.”
“Not teach, assist. Like I told you before, there’s a difference."
"So? What do you say?”
“I say you have a death wish.”
“Is that a yes?”
“You said I could choose the prize?”
“If you win, yes.”
“Gut, then from the moment I win to the moment I leave, I want you to stop bothering me. You will not seek me out, you will stop inciting conversation with me, and you will stop acting friendly toward me when we obviously do not like each other.”
“Fine. And from the moment I win, you will be my assistant for every fencing class and you will make a genuine effort to be more social.”
“Exactly how social do you expect me to be?”
“Well, since common courtesy seems to be a foreign concept to you, we’ll start out slow. How about eating dinner with the rest of us every night?”
“That’s it?”
“No, but it’s a start. And don’t worry; I will never force you to do anything that will jeopardize your bastardly reputation. I’m not a miracle worker.”
“Do we have a deal?”
“We do.”
“Good. Then let’s get this over with so I can tell Logan I found him a replacement.”
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"I'm sorry I hugged you again."
"Don't worry about it. At this point, I'd be more shocked if you didn't."
"Does that mean you're finally starting to warm up to me?"
"Don't flatter yourself, Liebchen. You just happen to be the only person here who doesn't remind me of home. I wouldn't put up with you otherwise."
"And here I thought you liked me for my winning personality."
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"My god, you actually enjoyed that."
"What are you talking about?"
"The epic verbal brawl you two just had. You got a kick out of it, like an adrenaline rush."
"I did not."
"Don't lie to a telepath, Kitty. And don't lie to yourself, either. It never works."
"So is this why you're always antagonizing him? Because it gives you a high?"
"Of course not. How twisted do you think I am?"
"Do you really want me to answer that quest-- oof! Hey!"
"Whoops. Sorry. Hand slipped."
-- Conversation between Rachel Grey-Summers and Kitty Pryde (CoE)

"Verdammt kids. Are you sure I can't decapitate them? Just a little bit?"
"Sorry. No dismemberment allowed on the premises. But maybe, if you're lucky, Logan will let you assist with a training session later on. Trust me, putting the kids through their paces can be very therapeutic."
"Why, Ms. Pryde, I had no idea you had such a ruthless streak."
"There's a lot you don’t know about me, Mr. Darkholme."
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme and Kitty Pryde (CoE)

"K.M.D.? What does the M stand for?"
"You mean like the Archangel Michael?"
"My mother had a very twisted sense of humor."
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"I thought you said you didn't know the Kitty in your world very well."
"I didn’t. Her job was to teach our new recruits how to fight and survive. Mine was to kill people. We barely even interacted."
"And yet her death... the thought of her dying... it hurts you, doesn't it?"
“Then why–”
"It's not the thought of her dying that hurts me."
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"Y'know, you're getting awfully violent in your old age, Pryde."
"Must be the company I keep. You're all a bunch of bad influences."
"Yea. Especially one person in particular."
"Oh, come on. Darkholme isn't that bad."
"Are you kidding me? That man probably strangles innocent kittens in his spare time..."
"He does not."
"Okay, maybe not kittens, but definitely Bamfs."
"Well you can't blame him for that. We all want to strangle the Bamfs."
"Kitty doesn't. They remind her too much of--"
-- Conversation between various members of the Jean Grey School faculty (CoE)

"Want to hear my theory? I think that you think you deserve this."
"One word, two syllables: Karma. You think Darkholme's rejection of you is pay back for the way you treated Kurt when you first met, and now you feel obligated to put as much energy into befriending him as Kurt did with you."
"That's... ridiculous. I don't--"
"Don't you? Are you honestly going to stand there and tell me that guilt isn't the reason you're trying so hard to befriend this guy?"
"Kitty, that isn't healthy. You know it isn't healthy. If our Kurt were still here, he'd say--"
"I know what he'd say, Rachel. I know."
"Then you know that you need to—"
"The only thing I need right now is for you to drop this conversation."
-- Conversation between Rachel Grey-Summers and Kitty Pryde (CoE)

“You’re staring at me.”
“Very observant of you.”
“Do me a favor, okay? Stick with silent and broody today. I’m not in the mood to deal with your particular brand of sarcasm.”
“Because of your fight with Jean's daughter?”
“How did you–? You were eavesdropping on us?”
“I prefer to think of it as intelligence gathering.”
“Oh my god. Okay. I’m leaving before I do something that’ll earn me some serious prison time–”
“She was wrong, you know.”
“Guilt wasn’t the reason you tried to befriend me. You’re far too compassionate a woman to be driven by such a selfish emotion.”
“Guilt isn’t a selfish emotion.”
“It is if you've been offered forgiveness and refuse to accept it.”
"And what makes you think I accepted it?”
“Because Wagner cared about you too much to have let you martyr yourself on his behalf. He would have forced you to accept it, no matter how long it took. Which means that your reason for pursuing a friendship with me had little to do with guilt and everything to do with empathy.”
“You didn’t want me to feel like I was alone. You didn’t want me to feel like you do.”
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

“What am I to you, if not your friend?”
“A lot of things, but most importantly, you’re a distraction. Perhaps too much of a distraction at times, but then, I knew you would be from the moment we met.”
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"What exactly are you feelin' toward Kitty?"
"Does it matter?"
"She's like a daughter to me, Elf."
"She's not like a daughter to me, Logan."
"I ain't gonna let you take advantage of the feelings she had toward Wagner."
"Her feelings toward Wagner were platonic. They're not the kind I'm interested in."
"God damn it, Kurt, I'm not--"
"Logan! There you are! That guy you've been trying to get a hold of is on line one. He says it's urgent."
"Shit. We'll discuss this later."
"I wait with bated breath."
-- Conversation between Logan and Kurt Darkholme (CoE)

"There are very few people I care about in this world, mein Herr. So you'll excuse me if I find it a bit... irritating... that you tried to eliminate one of them."
"I don't know what you're talking-- GRAAHHH!"
"That's one finger gone. I wonder how many more extremities you'll lose before you start talking?"
"J-Jesus... I don't... I don't know what you want! Just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you!"
"An explanation, for one. Why did you and your Freunde try to kill Katherine Pryde?"
"We didn't--"
"Bitte, mein Herr, do not insult my intelligence. I've assassinated enough people in my lifetime to recognize who your real target was. So has Logan, I suspect. Your attempt to cover it up was not nearly as clever as you thought it was."
"If you start begging for your life, I will teleport your trigger finger off on principle. Now talk."
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme and Kitty Pryde's would-be murderer (CoE)

"If I were more like Wagner, I would make your death quick, clean, painless. Unfortunately for you, my mother taught me better than that."
-- Kurt Darkholme to Kitty Pryde's would-be murderer (CoE)

“What're you up to, Kurt?”
“Diagnostic research? This got somethin’ to do with those fits you’ve been havin’ lately?”
“You’ve been spacin’ out, havin’ panic attacks.”
“I don’t have panic attacks.”
“Well you’re havin’ something.”
“They’re not panic attacks.”
“Then what are they?”
“Something else.”
“Cryptic doesn’t suit you, Elf.”
“Neither does that nickname.”
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme and Logan (Enveloppement)

"What is this all about, Logan?"
"Kurt's been abducted."
"Wait, what? How?"
"I think the more imperative question to ask right now, Bobby, is ‘by whom?’"
"We think the Bamfs took him."
"You're kidding."
"'Fraid not. When Kit and Rachel told me they couldn’t find Darkholme anywhere in the school, I tracked his scent from the library to the subbasement. From what I can tell, he was followin' one of them goddamned gremlins down there and the thing lured him right into an ambush."
"An ambush?"
"His scent trail ends in a storage room and the place positively reeks of sulfur. I'm guessin' there were two, maybe three dozen Bamfs in there waitin' for him and they all teleported away at the same time."
"My God, that's..."
"Calculated? Yea. And from what we know of the Bamfs, they shouldn't be capable of somethin' that organized."
"Could someone be controlling them?"
"Either that or they're a hell of a lot more sentient than we thought they were. Won't know 'til we find 'em."
-- Conversation between various members of the Jean Grey School faculty (Enveloppement)

“This ain’t just a prank the Bamfs are playin'. Someone, somewhere, is pullin’ the strings.”
“Don’t know. But my gut's tellin' me it’s the last person we’d ever suspect.”
-- Conversation between Logan and Hank (Enveloppement)

"Verdammter mist. Why couldn't you have come back to life whole and unharmed like everyone else, hm?"
"I'm an original... I never do things like everyone el-- Scheiße!"
"Es tut mir leid. Your arm was out of socket. Had to put it back."
"You could have warned me."
"I could have but it wouldn't have been nearly as much fun."
"Ach, I'm beginning to think you really are my evil twin."
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme and Kurt Wagner (Enveloppement)

"When I look at you and see what I could have become… it makes me thankful for all that has happened in my life."
"Mm, yes. I can see how being thrown off a cliff by our mother was a positive experience."
-- Conversation between Kurt Wagner and Kurt Darkholme (Enveloppement)

"I figured you were getting bored down here in the infirmary so I brought you this."
"A portable DVD player?"
"Mmhmm. I also brought popcorn, candy, four movies starring Errol Flynn, and the newest Star Wars film. You can pick which one we watch first."
"Ach, you are a woman after my own heart, Katzchen."
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Wagner (Enveloppement)

"Do you remember when we lived on Muir and my mom sent me those computer discs?"
"You mean the discs that you and Doug had worked on before...?"
"Yea. Those."
"I don't remember the contents well, but I remember your reaction to them. They... upset you."
"I threw a fit."
"Ach... Katzchen... it was not nearly as bad as all that..."
"I threw a fit, Kurt. Admit it. I couldn't accept the fact that Douglock wasn't Doug, that he never would be Doug, and that my friend was dead and never coming back. I was angry and in pain and I took it out on you."
"You needed to, though. You needed to get it all out."
"I know, and I'm thankful that it was you I finally vented to because you said something to me back then, something that really helped me cope when Darkholme came here. You said, 'Liebchen, I think you know you must accept him -- see him for who he is rather than who he is not. You can't hate someone for not being what you expected them to be. The joy of discovering who they are is part of the adventure.'"
-- Conversation between Kitty Pryde and Kurt Wagner (Enveloppement)

"If he hugs her again, I am going to kill him."
"Spyin' on 'em now, Darkholme? Seems a bit extreme, don't you think?"
"I am merely waiting for an excuse to put my doppelganger back in the grave where he belongs."
"Right. Well it sounds to me like you're jealous."
"I am not jealous of Wagner."
"Jealous of your alternate self and in denial. A therapist would have a field day with this."
"Do not make me cut you in half again, Logan. I swear I will do it."
-- Conversation between Kurt Darkholme and Logan (Enveloppement)

“How on earth do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Get him to smile like that. Darkholme never smiles.”
“I’ll tell you when you’re older.”
“Oh, ew!”
-- Conversation between Paige Gunthrie and Kitty Pryde (Enveloppement)

OMG, a ninja!
Random XME fanfiction excerpts to the rescue! =P

The glowing green numbers of the alarm clock leered at her from the darkness, mocking her with the time. It took all of the self restraint Kitty had not to snatch the thing off her bedside table and fling it across the room. It took even more effort not to jump out of bed, march down to the Brotherhood boarding house, and throttle Lance Alvers until his face turned purple. Maybe then that stupid, smug expression he always seemed to be wearing lately would finally leave his face. At the very least, it would rid the world of another childish jerk and give her a decent cardio workout. If that wasn't a win-win situation, she didn't know what was.
Murder is not the answer, Kitty, she scolded herself for the umpteenth time that night, even while a little voice in the back of her mind plotted out a suitable alibi and an escape route to the nearest non-extraditable country. You are better than he is. Take the high road, don’t retaliate, and for the love of all that is holy, go back to sleep already!

Rogue poked absently at the dead frog carcass sprawled out before her, not paying attention to the Biology teacher's droning lecture on proper dissecting procedures. She was tucked away in the corner, sitting alone at a large lab table because none of her classmates were brave enough to go near her mutated skin. The fact that she looked seven shades of pissed off and was holding a scalpel might have had something to do with it, too.
Jean doesn't know what she's talkin' about, Rogue thought bitterly as she carved random patterns into the frog's torso. Just because she wasn't Miss Mary Sunshine all the time did not mean she had an attitude problem! And just because she was having a really, really bad day did not mean she was going to do something stupid and get them all kicked out of school!
With a huff, she stabbed the scalpel into the rubber padding of the dissecting tray and leaned back on her stool, arms crossed in a universal gesture of annoyance. The motion caused a lock of white hair to fall in front of her face and she noticed with no small amount of horror that it was not the usual straight and silky strand she was used to. No, this lock of hair was wavy. And very, very frizzy.
Oh, for the love of... She reached up and grabbed a fistful of dual-colored hair, dragging it forward just to see that, yes, it had indeed started to curl. Well that's just great. Now not only am I sweatin' like a whore in a church in this heat, my hair looks like the mutated offspring of a skunk and a poodle. Could this day get any worse?

"This bother you?"
Remy smiled, as if her bluntness amused him. Rogue didn't want to amuse him, and she didn't want him to look at her the way he was now, as if he knew everything there was to know about her... and liked it.
But at least he put out the cigarette.
"Nasty habit, this," he said, gesturing to the stub before slipping it back into his coat pocket. "Don' let anyone tell you otherwise."
"Why'd you start up again?"
His lips curled into a small, bitter smile that was completely unlike his usual carefree smirk. "Stress."
"You're not the type to let stress get to you, Remy," Rogue pointed out warily, crossing her arms against the sudden chill in the air.
She wasn't prepared for the shadows that darkened his eyes; wasn't prepared for the concern that rushed through her when his voice shook slightly. "Everybody has their threshold, cher."

“Nuh uh. There is no way. This is even worse than that crazy sandwich thing you made me try last week.”
“Where’s your famous sense of adventure, Katze?” Kurt asked around a mouthful of ice cream. “Think of it as a challenge. Besides, we barely escaped death tonight, remember? If that’s not a good enough excuse to indulge a little, I don’t know what is.”
Kitty sighed, twirling her spoon around in the whipped cream with no real conviction. “I don’t know...”
“Give in to the temptation, Katzchen,” Kurt chanted to her. “The ice cream is calling your name… yummy, delicious, heavenly ice cream… tantalizing, delectable, mouth watering ice cream…”
Kitty rolled her eyes. “Fancy adjectives aren’t going to work on me, Kurt. You call all the junk you make me eat delicious and delectable.”
“Ja, but all that other ‘junk’, as you call it, didn’t have rainbow sprinkles on it, now did it?”
Kurt winked at her and Kitty sighed, eyeing her dessert with longing. She did love rainbow sprinkles, though whatever possessed her to tell Kurt that, she really didn’t know. The boy seemed to have been on a mission from God to spoil every one of her diets since she was fifteen, claiming it was “a labor of love for the sake of her health.”
Please, Katzchen?” Kurt pushed, using that impossibly pitiful tone only he could manage. “Just one spoonful?” He was giving her the full force of those big, golden Bambi eyes, and she swore she saw his lower lip quiver. “Bitte? For me?”
Kitty should have been immune to that face by now, but she could already feel her resistance faltering. Her waist line and the little voice in the back of her head that sounded suspiciously like her mother was screaming, “No, no, no!” while her taste buds were screaming, “Yes, yes, please God, YES!”
When Kurt looked like he was about to add some big crocodile tears to his pitiful persuasion act, her resistance crumbled completely. “Fine,” she grumbled, lifting the spoon to her mouth. “But if I can’t fit into my clothes after this, you’re taking me shopping for a new wardrobe, and you’re, like, totally paying for it, too.”
Kurt grinned triumphantly. “Deal.”
Kitty rolled her eyes at his eagerness, then, steeling herself, slid a spoonful of the forbidden ice cream into her mouth.
To her utter embarrassment, she moaned. The dessert was so good that she was sure it had to be illegal in some states.
Kurt didn't even try to hide his amusement. “Taste gut, Katzchen?”
Kitty smiled dreamily. “Katzchen is no longer, like, here right now. Please leave a message after the beep. Beep.
Kurt laughed. “I take that as a yes.”
“Mmhmm… yum… yummy…”
“Ach, my poor little deprived Katzchen. So many wasted years of eating nothing but rice cakes and carrot sticks. Good thing I’m here to guide you through this frightening new world of carbs and calories, ja?”
Kitty rolled her eyes. “Uh huh, sure, Fuzzy. You’re just trying to make me fat.”
“Is my nefarious scheme really that transparent?”
“Yes, so don’t even, like, try to deny it.”
“Verdammt. You caught me. My biggest goal in life is to make you fat.”
“Aha! See? I, like, knew it all along.”
“If all goes to plan, you’ll be as big as a house by the time you’re twenty, and have your own orbit by twenty-five.”
Kitty would have laughed but her mouth was full.

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